customer
Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining
26/10/08 12:27 Filed in: Stories
This story starts out very bad, but has a very happy ending.
Yesterday, I had to clean up puke. Some little kid decided to throw up on A&C and I got the job of cleaning it because I could handle the sight and smell without throwing up myself. I don’t mind, I’ve cleaned up some kids piss before and it’s not like I have to get down and lick it. I better get used to that kinda stuff anyway, I’ll be no good as a nurse if I’m squeamish. The mother even offered to clean it up but I was like: No! Just get your child home before it pukes on anything else.
So I got to work mopping up what looked like tuna chunks and put up 3 yellow caution signs around the wet floor...but guess what. Only about half a dozen people out of all the customers in A&C over the period of half an hour actually took any notice of the signs.
Customer coming through, make way! A wet floor? Caution? Don’t be so ridiculous! I’m going to walk through here with the same cavalier attitude I always have when I go shopping.
So I stood there and warned people myself. I didn’t have to, our asses were covered with the safety signs so if anyone decided to take a dive, they wouldn’t have a law suit leg to stand on....literally. I just thought it would save a lot of trouble in the long run if I prevented an accident, rather than having to prove a customer wrong after one. We know they don’t like that.
These are a few highlights in the monotony of stupidity:
A 3 year old boy came racing down the aisle and I practically had to catch him to stop him. He then tries to walk back over the wet floor when his dad behind him tells him not to before proceeding to push a trolley over it himself.
You gotta be careful, son. We don’t want you falling and hurting yourself. You wait there. But it’s ok for Daddy to walk over it. Daddy’s older. He’s got further to fall and his bones are brittler.
And I was the one who got the dirty look for having the nerve to speak to his child in the first place! Great example of bad parenting right there. Nice work!
Another man comes up to me and asks “Could you get something down for me from the wall, or go and find someone who can?”.
Do you realise what you just said? How fucking short-sighted can you be? I still have to leave to go and get someone!
So I went to help him, and ended up dropping a plastic box on him from height, scoring 10 points. A hit on the head gets you 50 points.
A little while later, when the floor was nearly dry, I was approached by the little boy from earlier who wanted to know if he could walk that way yet. I said he’d have to walk around the right side of the signs, as that side was dry now. He interrogated me further before being called back by his father again, and when I looked up I saw a woman laughing in the aisle opposite. She comes up to me and says “That was hilarious. ‘Can I go this way? Can I go that way?’. It was so funny”.
At first I didn’t know she was referring to the little boy and I told her I was surprised by how many people ignore the caution signs. We had a bit of a laugh and she said “You could stand there all day and do psychological studies”. I thought: you do not know how close you are.
Later, I saw her again and she said to her mother “This is the girl that had to put up with that boy. You did very well. I don’t think I would have been as nice”.
I would like to thank this woman for being so understanding, and for giving me a laugh at a time when I needed it most. It was a Saturday, I’d just cleaned up sick, and my faith in humanity was reaching an all time low. Her, and her mother, were a joy to serve and they’ve delayed my trip to the psych ward for a little longer.
They deserve the Best Customers of All Time Award.
And they made it look so easy. How come ever other customer finds it so difficult?
Yesterday, I had to clean up puke. Some little kid decided to throw up on A&C and I got the job of cleaning it because I could handle the sight and smell without throwing up myself. I don’t mind, I’ve cleaned up some kids piss before and it’s not like I have to get down and lick it. I better get used to that kinda stuff anyway, I’ll be no good as a nurse if I’m squeamish. The mother even offered to clean it up but I was like: No! Just get your child home before it pukes on anything else.
So I got to work mopping up what looked like tuna chunks and put up 3 yellow caution signs around the wet floor...but guess what. Only about half a dozen people out of all the customers in A&C over the period of half an hour actually took any notice of the signs.
Customer coming through, make way! A wet floor? Caution? Don’t be so ridiculous! I’m going to walk through here with the same cavalier attitude I always have when I go shopping.
These are a few highlights in the monotony of stupidity:
A 3 year old boy came racing down the aisle and I practically had to catch him to stop him. He then tries to walk back over the wet floor when his dad behind him tells him not to before proceeding to push a trolley over it himself.
You gotta be careful, son. We don’t want you falling and hurting yourself. You wait there. But it’s ok for Daddy to walk over it. Daddy’s older. He’s got further to fall and his bones are brittler.
And I was the one who got the dirty look for having the nerve to speak to his child in the first place! Great example of bad parenting right there. Nice work!
Another man comes up to me and asks “Could you get something down for me from the wall, or go and find someone who can?”.
Do you realise what you just said? How fucking short-sighted can you be? I still have to leave to go and get someone!
So I went to help him, and ended up dropping a plastic box on him from height, scoring 10 points. A hit on the head gets you 50 points.
A little while later, when the floor was nearly dry, I was approached by the little boy from earlier who wanted to know if he could walk that way yet. I said he’d have to walk around the right side of the signs, as that side was dry now. He interrogated me further before being called back by his father again, and when I looked up I saw a woman laughing in the aisle opposite. She comes up to me and says “That was hilarious. ‘Can I go this way? Can I go that way?’. It was so funny”.
At first I didn’t know she was referring to the little boy and I told her I was surprised by how many people ignore the caution signs. We had a bit of a laugh and she said “You could stand there all day and do psychological studies”. I thought: you do not know how close you are.
Later, I saw her again and she said to her mother “This is the girl that had to put up with that boy. You did very well. I don’t think I would have been as nice”.
I would like to thank this woman for being so understanding, and for giving me a laugh at a time when I needed it most. It was a Saturday, I’d just cleaned up sick, and my faith in humanity was reaching an all time low. Her, and her mother, were a joy to serve and they’ve delayed my trip to the psych ward for a little longer.
They deserve the Best Customers of All Time Award.
And they made it look so easy. How come ever other customer finds it so difficult?
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The Time Wasters
23/09/08 18:17 Filed in: Rants
Some of the problems customers complain about are so ridiculous, I think they just invent them because they’re bored and want to talk to someone. Sometimes it’s not even a problem, they just ask to have a look at something and get me to un-box it, then say they’ll come back for it later but never show.
Maybe they’re just wasting time waiting for a bus; maybe they’re lonely.
One old woman came in on Sunday wanting to return a pack of scrapbook paper, claiming that one of the designs didn’t look how it should. Truthfully, she didn’t know how it was supposed to look but it wasn’t to her liking and she was damn well going to tell someone about it.
Yes, the paper did look like it had water damage (looked, not felt) but a lot of scrapbook papers are made to look distressed or aged, and the fact that every single sheet of that variety had exactly the same marks on it obviously didn’t tell her something.
So, I took her over to where these packs were on the shelf and showed her that all the paper looked like that. Funnily enough, that particular design was the one you can see through the back of the packaging. If you’ve never bought scrapbook paper, a pack will contain, say, 6 different designs with 5 sheets of each and one design will usually face outwards at the back, while a sheet at the front shows small examples of each. Well, as far as the brands we sell are concerned, they do, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence the manufacturers chose that particular design to face out. Obviously, this stupid woman hadn’t even bothered to turn the pack over before she bought it.
But as if that wasn’t enough, even after I’d shown her every pack and proved there was nothing wrong with her paper, she complained that the marks on her paper were much darker than in the other packs. I offered to exchange it for her but I’d need a receipt, which she’d conveniently thrown away. Even if she’d had a case, there’s nothing I can do without a receipt, as is the policy in most other shops.
Everyone knows that, right?
Well, not her. Not giving her a refund or exchange because she didn’t have a receipt was reason for her to say she would never be shopping here again. Yeah, like thats a bad thing.
Oh, and just one more thing....not only was she unhappy with the contents of her paper pack, but she was also extremely annoyed that the outside was covered in glitter, which inevitably ended up on her carpet. She’d picked the pack up off the display table during a card-making demo, where the demonstrator was using glitter and sprinkles and other pretty sparkly things, so I don’t really know what she expected but she insisted on telling me repeatedly anyway.
So to sum everything up, just how many stupid things did this dumb bitch do?
1) Not realising every sheet in the pack was the same
2) Not even looking at the pack properly before she bought it
3) Throwing away her receipt
4) Cutting off her nose to spite her face
5) Moaning about free glitter
God, it felt more than 5.
6) Being a miserable, pedantic bitch with nothing better to do than go in to shops and waste peoples time over a bit of fucking paper.
Fuck off you old bag!
Maybe they’re just wasting time waiting for a bus; maybe they’re lonely.
One old woman came in on Sunday wanting to return a pack of scrapbook paper, claiming that one of the designs didn’t look how it should. Truthfully, she didn’t know how it was supposed to look but it wasn’t to her liking and she was damn well going to tell someone about it.
Yes, the paper did look like it had water damage (looked, not felt) but a lot of scrapbook papers are made to look distressed or aged, and the fact that every single sheet of that variety had exactly the same marks on it obviously didn’t tell her something.
So, I took her over to where these packs were on the shelf and showed her that all the paper looked like that. Funnily enough, that particular design was the one you can see through the back of the packaging. If you’ve never bought scrapbook paper, a pack will contain, say, 6 different designs with 5 sheets of each and one design will usually face outwards at the back, while a sheet at the front shows small examples of each. Well, as far as the brands we sell are concerned, they do, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence the manufacturers chose that particular design to face out. Obviously, this stupid woman hadn’t even bothered to turn the pack over before she bought it.
But as if that wasn’t enough, even after I’d shown her every pack and proved there was nothing wrong with her paper, she complained that the marks on her paper were much darker than in the other packs. I offered to exchange it for her but I’d need a receipt, which she’d conveniently thrown away. Even if she’d had a case, there’s nothing I can do without a receipt, as is the policy in most other shops.
Everyone knows that, right?
Well, not her. Not giving her a refund or exchange because she didn’t have a receipt was reason for her to say she would never be shopping here again. Yeah, like thats a bad thing.
Oh, and just one more thing....not only was she unhappy with the contents of her paper pack, but she was also extremely annoyed that the outside was covered in glitter, which inevitably ended up on her carpet. She’d picked the pack up off the display table during a card-making demo, where the demonstrator was using glitter and sprinkles and other pretty sparkly things, so I don’t really know what she expected but she insisted on telling me repeatedly anyway.
So to sum everything up, just how many stupid things did this dumb bitch do?
1) Not realising every sheet in the pack was the same
2) Not even looking at the pack properly before she bought it
3) Throwing away her receipt
4) Cutting off her nose to spite her face
5) Moaning about free glitter
God, it felt more than 5.
6) Being a miserable, pedantic bitch with nothing better to do than go in to shops and waste peoples time over a bit of fucking paper.
Fuck off you old bag!
Self-Service Checkouts
16/09/08 21:01 Filed in: Rants
I really like the self-service checkouts that supermarkets have introduced, but they don’t half cause a lot of problems sometimes. I always use them when I go to Asda, I’d rather deal with a screen than a real person, but even they still need a person to come over and reassure them every so often. I can understand why in most cases, like when you cancel an item you need the attendant to authorise it just to make sure you’re not packing it anyway, but why do you need authorisation to not bag more than 3 items? Shops are encouraging you to recycle bags and yet I have to wait ages for an attendant to turn up to tell the machine it’s ok, I’m using my own bag. They’re just a bit oversensitive and freak out at the smallest thing. If I don’t pick my bags up quick enough it tells me to take them. If I don’t take my money in time it beeps at me. But again, I can understand why these little precautionary measures are put in place, and most of the fuck-ups are down to human error.
For instance, last Friday night I was next in line to use one of the self-checkouts while the guy in front was trying to pay for his items. He’d obviously not used them before and was looking around for where to pay. He then turns to me and asks where to put his card in.
Now, I know machines and technology scare some people but using one for the first time can’t be that daunting. Looking at the picture, I’ll give you three guess where you stick your card. Yeah, it’s the big grey thing next to the screen.
Without even saying anything I lean over and just point at the card reader and step back again. He sort of laughs, puts his card in and says I should be working there. What a compliment!
But that isn’t the end of it. He’s put his card in but hasn’t told the machine how he’s paying. It even says out loud “Insert cash or select payment type”. I give him a minute to try and figure it out for himself but I end up having to lean over again and press the screen for him, again not saying a word.
And after all that-his card gets rejected away. He just left the checkout, saying he was going to a real person, leaving me to wait for an attendant to come and cancel his item. After about 10 minutes I finally got to the checkout.
It was really busy at the time and all the machines seem to be going wrong. One was out of order completely. There was a chorus of “Please wait for assistance”, “Unexpected item in bagging area” and “Type in the items code or look up item”. I don’t get why it says the last one. You could be just scanning your items through and it’ll come out with it for no reason. And despite all the customer “traffic”, there was only one attendant for all the machines, which is about 8, I think. I know it’s not their fault, but I would have thought Asda could afford to have at least one more member of staff on the self-checkouts. I’m quite the impatient type.
Two Sides of the Same Coin
04/09/08 22:35 Filed in: Stories
On Wednesday night a young couple came in looking to buy a fish tank and had seen one they liked but the price label below it said £12.99. They were really nice and polite and genuinely thought that was the price but I offered to check it for them because I knew it wasn’t. The actual price was £59.99! They didn’t get angry, they just seemed really disappointed. Y’know when your parents say that to you “I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed” like it’s so much worse? Well, I did feel kinda bad.
However, it turned out the girlfriend is the deputy manager of a jewelers and is a stickler for pricing; get the price of a ring wrong and you could end up losing thousands. So she asked for the address of head office, which I said they could get from customer service, and I also suggested they talk to the manager before they left.
Unlike the guy who was complaining about the price of the canvases, I totally understand where this couple were coming from. The price was wrong, full stop, and although the description on the label didn’t fit the tank, it was above head height so it was hard to read anyway. I was really fortunate that they were so laid back otherwise I would have been on the front line facing a full on customer bitch attack.
So, while the girl went off to customer service I stayed behind with the guy and tried to work out some order with the remaining prices. Over half the fish tanks were incorrectly priced! And I dread to think what the rest of the department was like. I tried not to make excuses and blatantly said that the guy who ran that department was incompetent. I know I shouldn’t say things like that to customers but they both worked in retail so they know what it’s like anyway. It was ages before she returned from customer service and the first thing she said was the behaviour she’d seen from the staff over there was disgusting. Way to rub salt in a wound!
Apparently Scary Mary had been eating behind the desk and swearing loudly and someone else had been drinking a bottle of pop. We were just waiting for the manager to come over when she said to me “Don’t worry, I said you were exceptional” which made me feel slightly better but I still felt ashamed on behalf of the people on customer service.
In the end the manager gave them 20% off the tank and assured them that the guy on that department would be fired, blah blah blah. I was like yeah right, but I’d thought he’d at least get written up for it. All that’s happened is he’s got a bollocking and been told to get the department in order. Big deal, that happens every few months or so and guess who was one of the people who had to pick up the pieces last time. Yeah-me.
a) It shouldn’t be left to get like that, and b) it shouldn’t be other people that have to sort out that department while the guy gets nothing but a slap on the wrist. Discipline is a really big problem in our store. No one is afraid of the consequences if they don’t do any work because there won’t be any.
I really hope that couple do write to head office because the company won’t listen to anyone else.
Something I found funny though was how the people on customer service couldn’t stop going on about how much of a bitch the girl was when I thought they were some of the nicest, understanding customers I’ve ever had. It just shows how some customers can be ordinary nice people in other circumstances but shops seem to bring out the worst in them, it just depends what side you find yourself on.
However, it turned out the girlfriend is the deputy manager of a jewelers and is a stickler for pricing; get the price of a ring wrong and you could end up losing thousands. So she asked for the address of head office, which I said they could get from customer service, and I also suggested they talk to the manager before they left.
Unlike the guy who was complaining about the price of the canvases, I totally understand where this couple were coming from. The price was wrong, full stop, and although the description on the label didn’t fit the tank, it was above head height so it was hard to read anyway. I was really fortunate that they were so laid back otherwise I would have been on the front line facing a full on customer bitch attack.
So, while the girl went off to customer service I stayed behind with the guy and tried to work out some order with the remaining prices. Over half the fish tanks were incorrectly priced! And I dread to think what the rest of the department was like. I tried not to make excuses and blatantly said that the guy who ran that department was incompetent. I know I shouldn’t say things like that to customers but they both worked in retail so they know what it’s like anyway. It was ages before she returned from customer service and the first thing she said was the behaviour she’d seen from the staff over there was disgusting. Way to rub salt in a wound!
Apparently Scary Mary had been eating behind the desk and swearing loudly and someone else had been drinking a bottle of pop. We were just waiting for the manager to come over when she said to me “Don’t worry, I said you were exceptional” which made me feel slightly better but I still felt ashamed on behalf of the people on customer service.
In the end the manager gave them 20% off the tank and assured them that the guy on that department would be fired, blah blah blah. I was like yeah right, but I’d thought he’d at least get written up for it. All that’s happened is he’s got a bollocking and been told to get the department in order. Big deal, that happens every few months or so and guess who was one of the people who had to pick up the pieces last time. Yeah-me.
a) It shouldn’t be left to get like that, and b) it shouldn’t be other people that have to sort out that department while the guy gets nothing but a slap on the wrist. Discipline is a really big problem in our store. No one is afraid of the consequences if they don’t do any work because there won’t be any.
I really hope that couple do write to head office because the company won’t listen to anyone else.
Something I found funny though was how the people on customer service couldn’t stop going on about how much of a bitch the girl was when I thought they were some of the nicest, understanding customers I’ve ever had. It just shows how some customers can be ordinary nice people in other circumstances but shops seem to bring out the worst in them, it just depends what side you find yourself on.
Treat customers like drugs - just say NO!
09/08/08 11:51 Filed in: Stories
Last night a guy came in under strict orders from his wife to buy a particular coffee table. While the manager was looking in the back to see if we had any in stock, he asked me if he could take the one on display. I told him no, because we only sell the display one once we know we’re not getting any more in stock and that even if we didn’t have any in the back at the moment we could easily order one in for him. But then he says the only reason he wants the display one is so that he doesn’t have to build it himself when he gets home.
Lazy. Fuck.
The manager also made the mistake of telling him that we take 20% off the display models, this being the same manager who gave in to that stupid woman with the dog bed, so I know damn well why he really wants the one on display.
And in the end he got it! *anger*
That manager just gives into everyone. People like him are the reason why customers think they can get away with anything.
Now someone will have to rebuild another coffee table, and we’ll lose another 20% off it.
Nice going!
Lazy. Fuck.
The manager also made the mistake of telling him that we take 20% off the display models, this being the same manager who gave in to that stupid woman with the dog bed, so I know damn well why he really wants the one on display.
And in the end he got it! *anger*
That manager just gives into everyone. People like him are the reason why customers think they can get away with anything.
Now someone will have to rebuild another coffee table, and we’ll lose another 20% off it.
Nice going!
Neither the time nor the place
09/08/08 10:17 Filed in: Stories
Saturday 2nd August
Today I had not so much a sleazy ass customer but, well, I don’t know what to call him. He’d come in to ask if we had a certain size canvas and then he started telling me all about his art. I’ve seen him a few times before, he used to come in and have a chat with the former department manager, who was also an artist of sorts.
He’s originally from Africa and mustn’t be a bad artist as he’s had a few exhibitions and the odd elite customer, but he’s currently studying at uni here - a non-art related subject, which you could tell was depriving him of time to indulge in his artistic expression. He seemed to think that because I worked on Arts & Crafts, and because I was showing an interest, he’d found a kindred spirit.
I hinted that I really should get back to work so he had to take his chance.
“Do you mind if I, how do you say....ask you out?”
(I though okay, this is totally innocent but I’ll feign ignorance anyway.)
“Um...sure.”
“On a date?”
(Crap!)
“Not so much on a date. As friends.”
“Oh...okay. Can I give you my number?”
“Okay.”
(He writes down his number but I do not reciprocate.)
“So next time I’m in ******** I’ll let you know. But right now I’d better get back to work.”
“Okay. Bye.”
Phew! Poor guy. I bet the eavesdropping customers had a right laugh. As nice as the guy is to talk to, he has to go down on the list of customers to avoid now.
Today I had not so much a sleazy ass customer but, well, I don’t know what to call him. He’d come in to ask if we had a certain size canvas and then he started telling me all about his art. I’ve seen him a few times before, he used to come in and have a chat with the former department manager, who was also an artist of sorts.
He’s originally from Africa and mustn’t be a bad artist as he’s had a few exhibitions and the odd elite customer, but he’s currently studying at uni here - a non-art related subject, which you could tell was depriving him of time to indulge in his artistic expression. He seemed to think that because I worked on Arts & Crafts, and because I was showing an interest, he’d found a kindred spirit.
I hinted that I really should get back to work so he had to take his chance.
“Do you mind if I, how do you say....ask you out?”
(I though okay, this is totally innocent but I’ll feign ignorance anyway.)
“Um...sure.”
“On a date?”
(Crap!)
“Not so much on a date. As friends.”
“Oh...okay. Can I give you my number?”
“Okay.”
(He writes down his number but I do not reciprocate.)
“So next time I’m in ******** I’ll let you know. But right now I’d better get back to work.”
“Okay. Bye.”
Phew! Poor guy. I bet the eavesdropping customers had a right laugh. As nice as the guy is to talk to, he has to go down on the list of customers to avoid now.
Perfect example of a Bad Customer
01/07/08 13:47 Filed in: Rants
The story is: Jim Dougan wanted to install an Airport card into his wife’s “MacBook” but didn’t have the right screwdriver. So instead of doing his research, he decided to take his anger out on the Genius Bar employees, making a right fool of himself in the process.
Why didn’t he just search Google? Who knows. Maybe he acted out of desperation trying to find new content for another comic, and a poor one at that.
Not only was he in the wrong for being such an idiot and shouting at retail employees, not doing his rearch in the first place and then making a comic to bring attention to the fact that he’s an idiot, but I don’t think he even knows what he’s talking about.
First thing: his wife’s “MacBook” is titanium. MacBooks are plastic!! He means a PowerBook G4 (seeing as he’s talking about something that happened in 2003-4).
Second thing: he moans he has to order his “exoctic” screwdriver from Taiwan. Half the fucking components in Apple’s portable products are assembled in Taiwan! His laptop is Taiwanese!
Third thing: if he’d done his research, he would have found that all he needed was a Torx Wrench #8, available at most autoparts and DIY stores, and then he needn’t have ordered one from Taiwan.
Forth thing: he complains about the Genius’ not lending him the “exotic” screwdriver he needed, so that he could make a hash of his laptop on their counter. They would have lost their jobs if they’d done so! Just pay the fucking $30, man!
And finally: he describes himself as “not one of those Type-A assholes”. He is SO wrong. People with Type A personality are described as being impatient, excessively time-conscious, insecure about their status, highly competitive, hostile and aggressive, and incapable of relaxation. BINGO!
Even in the comments he’s quick to critisize anyone who tries to correct him. I can’t get over how ignorant and arrogant this man is.
Although as more people rip him to shreds, the more he realises he hasn’t got a leg to stand on.
“Congratulations on knowing your way around Radio Shack and Sears Hardware, I’m sure that impresses the ladies”
“Uhhh.. cause real studs post comics about their computer rants on the internet?”
LOL. What an asshole. A Type-A asshole.
How I Lost My S#?! at the Apple Store @ The Chemistry Set [via Gizmodo]
Good engrish is not an excuse
21/06/08 22:17 Filed in: Stories
I was messaging a school/college friend yesterday and I let him know about my little blog, to which he said “You sound very angry, I suggest therapy”.
But he did send me this little conversation he had with a customer:
Customer: “Do you sell any flip knives”
Me: “Yes, we've got a couple. Here...”
Customer: (Looks at them, then looks at me) “Will these cut through seatbelts?”
Me: “Erm, I guess so. You can always buy one, try it and if it doesn't cut through a seatbelt, then you can bring it back.”
Customer: “Right, ok. I'll try it, it's just that I really need it for tonight”
What the hell? Why would you need to cut through a seatbelt? That’s one weird stag do.
He (school/college friend) also said “You can’t blame crappy customers if you have signs like these-”
Good point, but there’s no excuse for the crappy customers I get, seeing as I don’t work in a Chinese Restaurant.
Lol, thanks x
www.engrish.com
But he did send me this little conversation he had with a customer:
Customer: “Do you sell any flip knives”
Me: “Yes, we've got a couple. Here...”
Customer: (Looks at them, then looks at me) “Will these cut through seatbelts?”
Me: “Erm, I guess so. You can always buy one, try it and if it doesn't cut through a seatbelt, then you can bring it back.”
Customer: “Right, ok. I'll try it, it's just that I really need it for tonight”
What the hell? Why would you need to cut through a seatbelt? That’s one weird stag do.
He (school/college friend) also said “You can’t blame crappy customers if you have signs like these-”
Good point, but there’s no excuse for the crappy customers I get, seeing as I don’t work in a Chinese Restaurant.
Lol, thanks x
www.engrish.com
Shopping may cause temporary blindness
15/06/08 19:20 Filed in: Stories
Walking into a shop not only makes you illiterate, but almost completely blind as well. Customers can’t see for looking. Like a few days ago, while I was standing directly opposite a dump bin of string, a customer asked me “Have you got any string?”. If I had a penny for every time someone asked me for something that was staring them in the face, I wouldn’t have to work in retail anymore.
Someone else asked me “Do you have any lunchboxes?”. Lunchboxes?! This is arts & crafts mate, are we really going to have any friggin’ lunchboxes?! Try housewares!
A lot of people seem to confuse arts & crafts with housewares:
“Do you sell storage boxes?”
Housewares!
“Where are your napkins”?
Housewares!
“Have you got any straws?”
Housewares!
“Do you have any more white felt?”
House...No, sorry, we’ve sold out!
Can they not see the huge “Arts And Crafts” sign above my department?! Do they not realise how big the store is and how I can’t possibly know the exact location of every single thing but if they just used their brain they’d figure out that the only department that would make sense to have straws and napkins on is housewares?!
So many people ask me if we sell picture frames when all they need to do is read the sign above the escalator that reads “Gallery” with a picture of a frame! Well they’re not going to be on fucking “Bathrooms” are they! Could I make it any more obvious by smacking them across the face with one?
Once I’ve shown the customer to whatever they wanted in the glaringly obvious place, most come out with something like “Oh, d’y’know, I’m walking round with my eyes closed.” Yeah, no shit!
I don’t know whats worse though: the customers who try looking for something then ask, or the customers who don’t bother looking at all and just come straight to you. That’s just plain lazy - something they don’t hesitate in telling us off for being.
I hate customers so much that even though I’ve had a cold this past week, I still went into work so that I might spread it to as many time-wasting, morale-sapping little c**ts as I could. Thats dedication, if also a little obsessive.
Someone else asked me “Do you have any lunchboxes?”. Lunchboxes?! This is arts & crafts mate, are we really going to have any friggin’ lunchboxes?! Try housewares!
A lot of people seem to confuse arts & crafts with housewares:
“Do you sell storage boxes?”
Housewares!
“Where are your napkins”?
Housewares!
“Have you got any straws?”
Housewares!
“Do you have any more white felt?”
House...No, sorry, we’ve sold out!
Can they not see the huge “Arts And Crafts” sign above my department?! Do they not realise how big the store is and how I can’t possibly know the exact location of every single thing but if they just used their brain they’d figure out that the only department that would make sense to have straws and napkins on is housewares?!
So many people ask me if we sell picture frames when all they need to do is read the sign above the escalator that reads “Gallery” with a picture of a frame! Well they’re not going to be on fucking “Bathrooms” are they! Could I make it any more obvious by smacking them across the face with one?
Once I’ve shown the customer to whatever they wanted in the glaringly obvious place, most come out with something like “Oh, d’y’know, I’m walking round with my eyes closed.” Yeah, no shit!
I don’t know whats worse though: the customers who try looking for something then ask, or the customers who don’t bother looking at all and just come straight to you. That’s just plain lazy - something they don’t hesitate in telling us off for being.
I hate customers so much that even though I’ve had a cold this past week, I still went into work so that I might spread it to as many time-wasting, morale-sapping little c**ts as I could. Thats dedication, if also a little obsessive.
Stressed Out Mum Sydrome
12/06/08 19:39 Filed in: Stories
I wasn’t even at work today and I had to put up with another angry customer. I was stood behind this woman in a queue while she was trying to buy some medicine for her baby but she was told the laws had changed and even though it said “suitable for 3 months+” on the bottle, it was only suitable for children over 2 years. But she just wouldn’t let it drop. She was basically being told it was unsafe to give to her baby but she was still trying to buy it! She’d been giving it to her baby already but had run out and couldn’t understand why she couldn’t buy more. It’s one thing arguing with a cashier, but it was the law. Give it up, lady!
I would have really liked to have told her to get lost but she had Stressed Out Mum Syndrome and I would have only made things 10 times worse. Why do kids bring out the worst in people?
I would have really liked to have told her to get lost but she had Stressed Out Mum Syndrome and I would have only made things 10 times worse. Why do kids bring out the worst in people?
Worst customer #2
04/06/08 00:36 Filed in: Stories
To tie in with the entry about customers who don’t believe a word you say, I’ll tell you about this awful woman I had a few months ago. I don’t think it would have mattered what I said to her, she was angry and I just happened to be the first person she spoke to.
She’d come in looking for A4 wiro sketchbooks saying we hadn’t had any in for weeks. I explained to her that it was exam time and all the kids needed them so they were selling out probably within the day. I didn’t get a chance to say anything else to her because she lauched into this tirade about how I was fobbing her off with excuses, that I didn’t know anything and I was being dishonest. Even as she walked away she continued to shout abuse over her shoulder. There was no “Can I speak to your manager?” or “Can you have a look if there’s any in the back for me?”, she was just another hillbilly with knife skills who wanted any excuse to shout at someone to make her feel better. I was completely dumbstruck. I know the sketchbooks were getting restocked regularly because we have a delivery of them every week, but she’d obviously been unlucky and just come in at the wrong time….every time. I went to look for her later, only to tell her she’d never get a sketchbook from this store again, but she’d already gone. I’d never seen her before and I’v never seen her since, which is a little bittersweet because I was so disappointed in myself for not speaking up the first time that I looked out for her for a few weeks after just so I could make her grovel for a sketchbook. I’v never got my revenge >:o(
She’d come in looking for A4 wiro sketchbooks saying we hadn’t had any in for weeks. I explained to her that it was exam time and all the kids needed them so they were selling out probably within the day. I didn’t get a chance to say anything else to her because she lauched into this tirade about how I was fobbing her off with excuses, that I didn’t know anything and I was being dishonest. Even as she walked away she continued to shout abuse over her shoulder. There was no “Can I speak to your manager?” or “Can you have a look if there’s any in the back for me?”, she was just another hillbilly with knife skills who wanted any excuse to shout at someone to make her feel better. I was completely dumbstruck. I know the sketchbooks were getting restocked regularly because we have a delivery of them every week, but she’d obviously been unlucky and just come in at the wrong time….every time. I went to look for her later, only to tell her she’d never get a sketchbook from this store again, but she’d already gone. I’d never seen her before and I’v never seen her since, which is a little bittersweet because I was so disappointed in myself for not speaking up the first time that I looked out for her for a few weeks after just so I could make her grovel for a sketchbook. I’v never got my revenge >:o(
Correlation between hairstyle and competence?
03/06/08 22:46 Filed in: Stories
I’m in the middle of serving a customer on the till when another woman interrupts.
Woman: “I’d like to return these. Where should I go?”
Me: “Customer service.”
Woman: “You mean where that gentleman is with the peculiar hair?”
Me (laughing): “Yes.” (It’s true, he does have weird hair.)
Woman walks over to customer service.
1st customer: “I love this town. The people aren’t judgmental what-so-ever.”
The first customer didn’t even find it funny, unlike me. In fact she seemed pretty angry, angry at the state of society today! How dare people comment on someone’s hair!
That’s one of the few times I’v had a customer refer to another customer. Usually they just seem to ignore each other, like cars on the road, when they do interact it can be pretty catastrophic.
Another thing. I was on the till a few days ago when a woman wanted to return something and I told her she’d have to go to customer service. She started going on about why wasn’t she told and where was the sign (it says on a sign outside that if you’re returning goods then please go to customer service). I rolled my eyes and grimaced behind her back and I think every customer in the queue must have seen because they were all surprisingly nice to me after that. Weird…
Woman: “I’d like to return these. Where should I go?”
Me: “Customer service.”
Woman: “You mean where that gentleman is with the peculiar hair?”
Me (laughing): “Yes.” (It’s true, he does have weird hair.)
Woman walks over to customer service.
1st customer: “I love this town. The people aren’t judgmental what-so-ever.”
The first customer didn’t even find it funny, unlike me. In fact she seemed pretty angry, angry at the state of society today! How dare people comment on someone’s hair!
That’s one of the few times I’v had a customer refer to another customer. Usually they just seem to ignore each other, like cars on the road, when they do interact it can be pretty catastrophic.
Another thing. I was on the till a few days ago when a woman wanted to return something and I told her she’d have to go to customer service. She started going on about why wasn’t she told and where was the sign (it says on a sign outside that if you’re returning goods then please go to customer service). I rolled my eyes and grimaced behind her back and I think every customer in the queue must have seen because they were all surprisingly nice to me after that. Weird…
Worst customer #1
03/06/08 22:44 Filed in: Stories
Why is it standard procedure in some stores for the cashier to do your packing for you? As if they don’t have enough do to, they have to pack your stuff while you stand there twiddling your thumbs. If I can help it, I don’t let the cashier bag stuff for me when I go in other stores, or better yet I try to avoid using plastic bags altogether. But I’l go into that another time.
I have learnt not to ask customers if they would like a bag because I always end up packing for them and it really irks me. Then some of them have the cheek to moan about how slow the queue moves.
The worst customer I ever had on the tills was a middle-aged woman who refused to do anything else with her arms other than fold them. I was in the middle of scanning her items when she said “I’d like a bag, please!”. I just said ok and carried on, thinking I’d do it at the end once everything else was taken care of but as I totaled her items she asked again. I had to stop everything and pack her bags while she stood by, arms folded, face sour. One item was a football though, which I’d actually had to keep hold of while I scanned her other stuff because it would have rolled away otherwise and she couldn’t possibly have held onto it herself, so I had to grab a bag and open it one-handed. Then once I’d finished packing she said “I can’t carry it like that!” so I had to repack it! It all fit perfectly into one bag but it’s like she wanted everything in a separate bag.
I don’t know what her problem was. She was with her son but didn’t look like a stressed out mum and if it was PMS, she should really consider a hysterectomy. I mean, she was that bad, in a weird, non-abusive but doing voodoo on you with her mind, kinda way! It was unhealthy.
I have learnt not to ask customers if they would like a bag because I always end up packing for them and it really irks me. Then some of them have the cheek to moan about how slow the queue moves.
The worst customer I ever had on the tills was a middle-aged woman who refused to do anything else with her arms other than fold them. I was in the middle of scanning her items when she said “I’d like a bag, please!”. I just said ok and carried on, thinking I’d do it at the end once everything else was taken care of but as I totaled her items she asked again. I had to stop everything and pack her bags while she stood by, arms folded, face sour. One item was a football though, which I’d actually had to keep hold of while I scanned her other stuff because it would have rolled away otherwise and she couldn’t possibly have held onto it herself, so I had to grab a bag and open it one-handed. Then once I’d finished packing she said “I can’t carry it like that!” so I had to repack it! It all fit perfectly into one bag but it’s like she wanted everything in a separate bag.
I don’t know what her problem was. She was with her son but didn’t look like a stressed out mum and if it was PMS, she should really consider a hysterectomy. I mean, she was that bad, in a weird, non-abusive but doing voodoo on you with her mind, kinda way! It was unhealthy.
Regulars #1
03/06/08 22:42 Filed in: Stories
There’s an old woman that comes into the store on one of those electric scooter things which is absolutely enormous. She moans that she can’t get down the aisles because of the dump bins etc. so we have to move everything out the way or fetch stuff for her. That would be fair enough….but she’s not actually disabled, just lazy and bad tempered.
Our cleaner for the store had sealed off a couple of aisles while he cleaned the floor. He’d put hazard tape at each end of the aisle and every customer acknowledged that it was a little inconvenient but necessary, except the old woman. She ripped down the hazard tape and drove down the aisle on the newly cleaned floor and when the cleaner confronted her she said “I should be able to go where I want, when I want”. The cleaner replied that it had been sealed off for her own safety, but she couldn’t care less.
And how do we know she’s not disabled? She left her granny scooter on the ground floor while she went upstairs to use the toilets. I think she might be a sandwich short of a picnic, and possibly a shoplifter but I can’t prove it. I can only make the store harder to navigate by placing extra dump bins in her way.
Our cleaner for the store had sealed off a couple of aisles while he cleaned the floor. He’d put hazard tape at each end of the aisle and every customer acknowledged that it was a little inconvenient but necessary, except the old woman. She ripped down the hazard tape and drove down the aisle on the newly cleaned floor and when the cleaner confronted her she said “I should be able to go where I want, when I want”. The cleaner replied that it had been sealed off for her own safety, but she couldn’t care less.
And how do we know she’s not disabled? She left her granny scooter on the ground floor while she went upstairs to use the toilets. I think she might be a sandwich short of a picnic, and possibly a shoplifter but I can’t prove it. I can only make the store harder to navigate by placing extra dump bins in her way.
Gross customer.
03/06/08 22:30 Filed in: Stories
I used to work at a place that sold jewelry and a woman asked to try on a ring. I gave her the size she asked for but then she couldn’t get it off so she started licking her finger and the ring. She finally got it off and then handed it back to me straight away. I must have hidden my disgust pretty well but she didn’t seem that bothered, as if it’s normal to lick stock and then give it back to you still slimy.
Watch the pennies...
03/06/08 22:30 Filed in: Stories
An old man was buying a Bounty priced at 42p. He gave me 58p so I tried to give him the 8p back but he said he was trying to get rid of his coppers. It didn’t really make sense because he was still going to get coppers in his change. So I put it through, gave him his change and receipt, which he checked before leaving, and then he started complaining that the price on the shelf had said it was actually 38p. I said he could have his 4p back but he’d have to go to customer services for the refund.
He then put the Bounty back on the counter and said “Fine! I just won’t have it then.” and held his hand out for his refund. Over 4 fucking pence! I just said “We’d be happy to give you a refund but you’ll have to go to customer services”. He just stood there and shrugged so I carried on by saying “I can’t just give you your money back, I can’t do refunds on this till. You’ll have to go to customer services.”. So he went over to CS and demanded to see the manger, complained then left without his friggin’ Bounty.
That was an old guy with too much time on his hands and a vendetta against wrongly priced goods. It could have been easily solved if he’d paid attention throughout the sale, like when I said “That’s 42p please”.
I know unpriced and wrongly priced items are annoying but to make such a fuss over 4p was a bit pathetic. And it’s not the first time it’s happened either. I know of a woman who rang Trading Standards to complain about a discrepancy between the price on the digital kiosks and the price that comes up on the till in a Jessops store (a photographic retailer). A difference of 4p. She even ended up in tears in the shop. :/
I think it’s taking the saying “Watch the pennies and the pounds take care of themselves” a bit too far.
He then put the Bounty back on the counter and said “Fine! I just won’t have it then.” and held his hand out for his refund. Over 4 fucking pence! I just said “We’d be happy to give you a refund but you’ll have to go to customer services”. He just stood there and shrugged so I carried on by saying “I can’t just give you your money back, I can’t do refunds on this till. You’ll have to go to customer services.”. So he went over to CS and demanded to see the manger, complained then left without his friggin’ Bounty.
That was an old guy with too much time on his hands and a vendetta against wrongly priced goods. It could have been easily solved if he’d paid attention throughout the sale, like when I said “That’s 42p please”.
I know unpriced and wrongly priced items are annoying but to make such a fuss over 4p was a bit pathetic. And it’s not the first time it’s happened either. I know of a woman who rang Trading Standards to complain about a discrepancy between the price on the digital kiosks and the price that comes up on the till in a Jessops store (a photographic retailer). A difference of 4p. She even ended up in tears in the shop. :/
I think it’s taking the saying “Watch the pennies and the pounds take care of themselves” a bit too far.
