So, between talking on mobile phones, counting out change and opening packaging, opening packaging was voted most annoying with 50% of the votes. I definitely second that!
Talking on mobile phones came 2nd with 33%, and counting out change was 3rd with 17%.
New poll coming on Tuesday. Any suggestions?

I’m walking around, doing some pricing on Friday night and what do I find?
A skanky banana skin left in a frying pan. Yuk!



Litter, like bits of paper and wrappers, is bad enough. But leaving food is just disgusting! What if they’d hidden it at the back of a shelf and someone wouldn’t have found it for a few days?
Some people need help. Some people belong in a zoo.
Something funny that struck me though was that we had everything we’d need in the store to cook this banana skin.
(Banana skin + frying pan) + camping stove + customers = customer’s face + (my hand + high speed).

Tags: disgusting

“To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-manered” - Voltaire

You know those customers that come in and just expect you to know what they’re looking for?

Me: “Are you okay there?”
Customer: “Erm, yeah, I’m looking for this thing, I saw it in a magazine and it’s blue.”
Me: “Okay, do you have the magazine with you?”
Customer “No, I didn’t think I’d need it.”
And so on.....

I’v even had customers who have come in on someone elses behalf, with no idea about what they’re really looking for, and end up ringing the other person and then hand the phone over to me.
That never, ever works! I will never find whatever it is you’re poorly describing. And no-matter how hard you try, the mental image you’re sending will never reach me.
For example, I had to speak to one woman over the phone who was looking for sequins and I felt like saying “Seriously, do you know how many things with sequins we sell?! Get off your lazy ass and come and look for yourself!”
And another guy came in looking for an easel so I showed him most of the easels we have. Some are on the back wall which you can’t get to unless you get the ladders, which I was willing to do once I’d asked a few questions to find out what type of easel he was after. Then he said “I was looking for something a bit more, y’know, fab”. I just said to him “Easels don’t really get that glamorous”. He decided he’d just have a look round on his own for a while and about 10 minutes later he came back to me with a big red box and said “This was the kind of thing I was looking for”.
Oh, so you wanted a box easel? Why didn’t you just fucking say so?!

Half the time it’s customers expecting you to be a walking encyclopedia. Like, they can’t even be bothered to remember the name of what they’re looking for. Just the freakin’ name! So they expect you to know every single product and to do their thinking for them.
And the other half are customers who don’t really know what they’re looking for. They haven’t done their research and just come in with a vague description.

I was just reading a few stories on Facebook about these mind reading skills some customers think we possess. Say, a customer orders a coffee but doesn’t specify what kind then kicks off when it isn’t decaf. Is telepathy more common than I thought? We work in a shop which obviously means we’re all as thick as pig shit but we’re supposed to be able to read minds?
This must be about #127on my list of “Things I don’t get” about retail. I wish #1 was customers, but alas, I get lots of them.

Tags: annoying, customers

I saw a similarly awful illustration of this bird hierachry in work yesterday.



“When those at the top look down, they only see shit. When those on the bottom look up, they only see assholes.”

Tags: pictures

These Fitting Room Nightmares make me soooo glad I don’t work in a clothes store.

I’v seen Primark left in a pretty bad way, but that’s not even the half of it. Not only do people rip clothes because they’re too fat, but they leave their litter and even take a dump in there. Obviously toilets are too good for some people.

I’v heard some disgusting things about our customer toilets from our store cleaner. For instance, one woman decided she didn’t want to put her used sanitary towel in the appropriate bin and stuck it to the toilet instead. Sick!
And another woman needed to change her baby but didn’t have anything to clean it with, so she went and got a towel from the shelf, wiped her shitty baby with it and just left it in the toilets. Classy! I bet she wasn’t a day over 18.
And then other customers have the nerve to complain about the state of the toilets! “Don’t they get cleaned?!” they say. Yes, but then your fellow revolting customers come along and dirty them up again.

But they’re toilets. At least that’s where shit belongs, not in fitting rooms. Okay, so maybe you have a bowel problem, but if thats the case, shouldn’t you stay at home, or at least overdose on Imodium before you leave the house.
I just don’t get some people. Angry customers making your life hell is one thing, but people who make your life HELL at risk of personal embarrassment to themselves is something else!
I’m still struggling to comprehend it.

Tags: disgusting, customers

If you’ve ever visited the Facebook group: “Fuck the customers”, then you’ll recognise this-



I had such a bad week a while back that I thought “Right, I’m getting myself one of those badges!”, with the intention of wearing it under my jumper so that I could look at it whenever I got frustrated with a customer. It would serve to reaffirm my belief that most customers are dumb, unthinking and nearly always in the wrong. And it worked!

So, how did I go about getting hold of one of these badges?
First stop - Etsy.
Etsy is like eBay but exclusively for stuff thats been handmade, and most sellers will do custom orders so it was simply a case of finding someone who offered to make custom badges.
I found BarrelOfMonkeys.
They also sell badges that say “I will start being nicer if you start being smarter” and “WTF?”, which thinking about now, I should have also bought because they’re both just as relevant.
So I messaged them my request and the next week I was smugly, secretly, wearing this little morale-saver.
Now that its summer though, I’v not been wearing my jumper so haven’t been able to wear the badge. Fortunately, I’v not had too many bad customers.
They’re still around, I’v just done a good job of avoiding them.

Tags: funny, revenge

I was messaging a school/college friend yesterday and I let him know about my little blog, to which he said “You sound very angry, I suggest therapy”.
But he did send me this little conversation he had with a customer:

Customer: “Do you sell any flip knives”
Me: “Yes, we've got a couple. Here...”
Customer: (Looks at them, then looks at me) “Will these cut through seatbelts?”
Me: “Erm, I guess so. You can always buy one, try it and if it doesn't cut through a seatbelt, then you can bring it back.”
Customer: “Right, ok. I'll try it, it's just that I really need it for tonight”

What the hell? Why would you need to cut through a seatbelt? That’s one weird stag do.

He (school/college friend) also said “You can’t blame crappy customers if you have signs like these-”







Good point, but there’s no excuse for the crappy customers I get, seeing as I don’t work in a Chinese Restaurant.

Lol, thanks x

www.engrish.com

Tags: funny, customer, pictures

I spend so much time complaining and seething over stupid customers that I’d forgotten that there really are some lovely people out there, and if I reminded myself of that fact a bit more often, I’d be a bit less bitter.

There is one lady in particular who comes in about once a fortnight to top up her dress making supplies, and as soon as we get talking, we could be there for nearly an hour. She’s nearly 70 but young at heart and a really good laugh.
She even made me a necklace (which is really, really nice) when we were just getting to know each other because she liked my customer service. So that just shows I’m not one of those lazy, unhelpful, nonchalant sales assistants some of you might think I am.
So I’m going to award Lynda the Best Customer (of undetermined time period) Award!

I also had a customer today who was extremely nice, like too nice. I thought he was either gay or flirting but no, it just turns out he was a very, very, very, very happy person. He asked me for fabric scissors and sewing needles so I sent him upstairs to Textiles, but halfway up the escalator he shouted back down to me “They’re not for me by the way!”. I don’t know why, but I got the feeling I’d probably be seeing him again before he left the store and lo and behold, 15 minutes later, he’s back asking me where else he can buy sewing needles. I found it a really nice gesture that he came back to ask me, and he was happy no-matter what I said. Maybe I should find it creepy, but I don’t. It was like he could have got hit by a car and he’d still be smiling.

So I need more nice customers, and it doesn’t take much to be nice. Just an “excuse me”, “please” and a “thank you very much” with a smile, and all previous grievances are forgotten.

Tags: nice, customers

I heard on the radio today that a farmer has had to close his strawberry fields to people wanting to pick their own strawberries because too many people were leaving without paying.
The farm had been running since 1923 but they lost so much of the crop last year due to people not paying (and poor weather conditions) that they can’t afford to open it to the public anymore. I’m not sure if they’ve closed the farm completely or just to the public.
One family he saw walking round had a bowl of water and some cream and were eating the strawberries as they went. When they got back to the exit they claimed they hadn’t found any and left.
Another woman used her skirt to carry a load of strawberries to the car while her husband went to the counter, claimed they could hardly find any and paid for about 3 strawberries.
There were also countless people who would turn up at the counter with their face and clothes covered in juice and only pay for the couple of strawberries they’d have in their basket.
What is wrong with these people? This man is trying to run a business, and farmers are struggling enough as it is. How is not paying for the strawberries you stuffed your face with while going round the field any different than scoffing an ice bun in the supermarket and not telling the cashier?
Children were also responsible for destroying a lot of the crop because they’d run around, knock the fruit off then either stand on them or throw them, and the parents would do nothing. Another case of bad parenting. Why aren’t these people sterilised?
One person rang in to the radio station and said “This is just farmers being greedy. They should employ people to pick them and not exploit people by getting them to pick them for free.”
What? Exploitation? It’s not the farmer doing the exploiting! It’s the greedy fucking customers again! Just because he’s not paying anyone to pick them, doesn’t mean it’s a free-for-all. He still has to sell the strawberries to make a living.
This has pissed me off no end. I know it’s only a strawberry field. Hell, I won’t miss it. But the fucking cheek of some of these people. Taking cream with them for crying out loud!
“It’s ok, it’s only a few strawberries”. How about I feed your kids to a pack of wolves, then you wouldn’t have as many mouths to feed.
Sorted!

Tags: disgusting, customers, worst, anger!

Dear Evelyn,

I treat all customers, mentally disabled or not, with the same amount of respect. My post was not an insult to the integrity of people with mental and learning disabilities, I was just expressing my dislike for the very few caregivers who perhaps don’t do their job as best as they should. Kinda like bad parenting.
The only reason I feel “uncomfortable” when dealing with mentally disabled people is because I’m not sure how to respond to them, because they can react differently to things we take for granted, and I don’t want to be the one to cause them any distress. That is down to my own ignorance.
The company I work for employs people with mental and learning disabilities, but the difference there is I get to know their personality and character, and what they do and don’t need help with. You see?
I object to caregivers relinquishing their responsibility on to me because I am not allowed to take responsibility for anyones children, elderly relatives, possesions, even animals while they’re in the store. It is not our job. We don’t have the correct training, and yet if anything were to go wrong, who would get the blame?
I’m not referring to people with minor mental or learning disabilities who are perfectly capable of looking after themselves, only to the severly mentally handicapped, the ones who need constant supervision. How would you suggest I answer someone who’s just shouted “Nah nah nah nah nah!” at me? I did the only thing I could think of and politely say “Um, I’m sorry, I...”, at which point the carer stepped in. But with the other caregiver, who did nothing while I was asked the same question repeatedly, wasting my time and preventing me from doing my job, that was ridiculous. It was a fucking joke! And she knew it.
I’m not saying they should be discouraged from asking questions if they have any quearies about an item because I get freaked out, but it’s not a free ticket for the carer to off-load them on to me while they go shopping.
I understand I could have worded my previous post better, but like I said, there is no good way of making this point.
I hope I’ve made myself clearer now, and dragged myself out of the 9th circle of hell.

Tags: explanation

To those who work at a fast food place - has this ever happened to you?



I wouldn’t mind one bit if I was stuck on the drive-thru all day if Ehren McGeyhey came along and did that. The girl at the window doesn’t really know what to do, lol. She kinda just forgets about the customers, and any other cars that might be waiting, but what would you do? Offer them another meal even though it wasn’t your fault?

Random fast-food story:
When I went through the drive-thru with my friend ages ago, we asked for a 9 chicken nugget meal and the girl looked realy confused and went away for a bit. When she came back she said “You want 9 chicken nugget meals?”. She was Polish or something and we frantically tried to explain that we did not want 9 chicken nugget meals. We thought we’d got through but then she asked what drinks would we like and we said coke, and she asked “9 cokes?”.
In the end we had to be really patronising and practically spell it out for her while counting on our fingers. When the penny finally dropped she was so embarrassed and I think half the kitchen staff ended up gathered round the order window laughing. They must have been just out of sight listening to the whole thing.
It was hilarious, but I can imagine so many customers not seeing the funny side. Any excuse to get angry.

Anyway, if you would like to see more unseen, not on dvd Jackass footage then go to jackassworld.com.
(Yes, I’m shamelessly promoting their website because they’re going to get shut down if they don’t get more visitors. Jackass makes me laugh no-matter what kind of day I’ve had.)

Tags: video

Carolanne, of Retail Hell Underground, posted about something which I, fortunately, haven’t have much experience of: Sleazy-ass dirty customers! Although I haven’t had any really bad, pervy customers, I do have to work with a couple of sleazy-ass dirty male colleagues.
One is just plain creepy. I think everyone finds him creepy, male or female. I just don’t think he’s very “socially well-adjusted”, rather than sleazy. He doesn’t know the right things to say to people, or maybe he just has the weirdest sense of humour of anyone I’ve ever come across. He says the strangest things sometimes. But there’s quite a few disturbing rumours floating round about him, which I don’t thoroughly believe, and everyone jokes about going round to his house. I do my best to avoid him, because he does freak me out a bit, and just incase he is some sex predator. Not that I’m suggesting he is, but just in case.
The other sleazy colleague always tries to joke about going out for a drink.....constantly. There’s stuff floating round about him too but he’s not half as creepy as the other guy.

As for pervy customers, the only one I can remember is an old man who told me I had a dusty arse, but that was it. Hardly a sleazy-ass dirty stalker shopper.
The fact is I always have a dusty arse because I find excuses to sit on the floor so I'm not on my feet all day. Half the staff have told me and I'm past the point of caring.
There is a much worse example of a pervy customer in Carolanne’s post. Yuk!
Y’know that game: Fuck, Marry, Kill? There should be one to categorise the disgustingness of sleazy-ass dirty customers, ie. Shiver, Puke, Die.
Shiver - I wish I hadn’t heard that; Puke - nauseas and possibly mentally scarred; Die - kill me now!.
Mine only reach Shiver, and for that I’m eternally grateful.

Tags: customers, worst, rude, disgusting

This is in no way meant to be offensive or insulting but why do people bring mentally disabled people shopping?
That sounds awful doesn’t it?
The only reason I say it is because some of the carers seem to think it’s ok to off-load them on me for a while.
It’s NOT okay! It freaks me the hell out!
I know a few people who have looked after people with mental and learning disabilities so I know most of them are the nicest, well-meaning people in the world, but I’m niether trained or paid to look after them in my work. I just don’t know how to deal with them, how to respond to them. Like kids, I’ve no idea how to talk to children.
A woman pushing an old man in a wheelchair came up to me yesterday and said “Go on, ask the lady,” and all the old man did was go “Nah nah nah nah nah!”. WTF? What am I supposed to say to that? I was just like “Umm....”, then the woman said “Okay, I’ll ask her then”. That’s fair enough.
But another woman, quite a few months ago now, came in with a girl who must have had Down’s Syndrome or something, and the woman stood by while the girl asked me if we had such and such a thing. When I said no she kept on asking the same thing over and over again, and the longer it went on for, the more amused her carer seemed to get but didn’t do anything about it. I just kept thinking “Why isn’t she doing anything?” and “Can you go now please?”, and finally when the carer had had her fun she said “C’mon, lets go, they don’t have any”. The girl was really sweet, but the carer should have intervened a bit sooner.
Our store is quite close to a school for people with learning difficulties so they’re in the store quite a lot, and I don’t mind that, and I don’t mind serving them either. It’s just when the carers expect me to handle them on my own and don’t step in when they go a bit “off track” or they start dribbling or something. I try and treat them like normal people but how am I supposed to do that when they start talking jibberish?
And whats the point in having a carer if they don’t do anything?


18/6/08: I know this will inevitably cause offence, but please read this post before you get angry/upset/wish death upon me. There’s no good way I can make my point without making myself look shallow, judgemental and prejudiced, I’m just not articulate enough, but I will explain as best as I can.

Tags: customers, disabled

Walking into a shop not only makes you illiterate, but almost completely blind as well. Customers can’t see for looking. Like a few days ago, while I was standing directly opposite a dump bin of string, a customer asked me “Have you got any string?”. If I had a penny for every time someone asked me for something that was staring them in the face, I wouldn’t have to work in retail anymore.
Someone else asked me “Do you have any lunchboxes?”. Lunchboxes?! This is arts & crafts mate, are we really going to have any friggin’ lunchboxes?! Try housewares!
A lot of people seem to confuse arts & crafts with housewares:

“Do you sell storage boxes?”
Housewares!

“Where are your napkins”?
Housewares!

“Have you got any straws?”
Housewares!

“Do you have any more white felt?”
House...No, sorry, we’ve sold out!

Can they not see the huge “Arts And Crafts” sign above my department?! Do they not realise how big the store is and how I can’t possibly know the exact location of every single thing but if they just used their brain they’d figure out that the only department that would make sense to have straws and napkins on is housewares?!
So many people ask me if we sell picture frames when all they need to do is read the sign above the escalator that reads “Gallery” with a picture of a frame! Well they’re not going to be on fucking “Bathrooms” are they! Could I make it any more obvious by smacking them across the face with one?
Once I’ve shown the customer to whatever they wanted in the glaringly obvious place, most come out with something like “Oh, d’y’know, I’m walking round with my eyes closed.” Yeah, no shit!
I don’t know whats worse though: the customers who try looking for something then ask, or the customers who don’t bother looking at all and just come straight to you. That’s just plain lazy - something they don’t hesitate in telling us off for being.
I hate customers so much that even though I’ve had a cold this past week, I still went into work so that I might spread it to as many time-wasting, morale-sapping little c**ts as I could. Thats dedication, if also a little obsessive.

Tags: stupid, dumb, customer

A little clip from The Mole in which one of the contestants (a Retail Manager) tries to reason with a complete dickhead. It doesn’t work, but she works in retail, so she can take it.

Tags: video

I wasn’t even at work today and I had to put up with another angry customer. I was stood behind this woman in a queue while she was trying to buy some medicine for her baby but she was told the laws had changed and even though it said “suitable for 3 months+” on the bottle, it was only suitable for children over 2 years. But she just wouldn’t let it drop. She was basically being told it was unsafe to give to her baby but she was still trying to buy it! She’d been giving it to her baby already but had run out and couldn’t understand why she couldn’t buy more. It’s one thing arguing with a cashier, but it was the law. Give it up, lady!
I would have really liked to have told her to get lost but she had Stressed Out Mum Syndrome and I would have only made things 10 times worse. Why do kids bring out the worst in people?

Tags: worst, customer

I’v added a little Twitter update link under my blog logo. That’s just where I’ll post little questions or one-sentence annoyances. I can even post updates from work! You don’t have to sign up to read them or even respond because you can do that through the contact form or comments.
Enjoy!

Tags: blog

Does your store have any notorious shoplifters? The first place I ever worked had one who would come in, usually on a Sunday, always wearing exactly the same clothes and carrying a folded newspaper. He'd come in on a Sunday because that was when the manager wasn't in. I only ever worked on a Sunday because I was still at college and I also didn't want to see the manager. She was a psycho-bitch and can have her own post she was that insane. So Mr. Shoplifter would come in and we'd be on to him straight away, and he knew we knew who he was. Usually someone would ask him to leave and he'd walk out shouting abuse etc, only to try his luck again later that day in different clothes, and sometimes he did get away with some cheap jewelry or something. One time when it was quite busy, a man came up to the checkout to tell me he'd just seen this guy take some boxes off the shelf and walk out. I had to feign interest but seriously, what good did he think he was doing telling me after he'd seen the guy leave? Couldn't really give a shit what he took anyway to be honest, but what did he expect me to do?!
I did have to be a female witness once at where I work now while my manager dealt with this fugly opportunistic chav thief....and it was my second scariest experience in retail ever, second only to when I knocked the DIY sign down. She’d been caught on CCTV and I was just plucked at random to escort her to the managers office and wait with her till the manager turned up. He came in, closed the door, sat down quietly and asked "You understand why you're here?", then all of a sudden he just exploded- "IF I EVER SEE YOU IN MY FUCKING STORE AGAIN, I WILL KICK YOU ALL THE WAY ROUND THIS STORE AND OUT THE FUCKING DOOR. I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU OR YOUR FRIENDS AGAIN! YOU GOT THAT?! NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!". So that's one way to deal with them, and it proved to be quite effective.
Another way is to hunt them down and confront them there and then, even if it’s in the street. I have a friend who works at a video games store and a few weeks ago someone left with Guitar Hero without paying. The assistant manager ran out after him and when he caught up the guy just said "Sorry, didn't realise I had it." LOL, what a comeback! Could have been worse though, could have had a broken bottle on him or something.
I would never confront any thief, and thankfully I'm not expected to. I'v heard some real horror stories of shoplifters involving razor blades and needles.
No effin' way!

Tags: dumb, robber, dangerous

Welcome to the new home of Retail Therapy!

There might still be a few creases I need to iron out but finally - FREEDOM! There’s some real estate going on the side bar so if you would like your blog/site logo displayed there then just contact me using the contact form and I will get back to you. That’s just a precaution to prevent spam spiders.
You can also use the contact form to submit your retail hell stories. I look forward to hearing from you!

Yours faithfully
Retail Therapy

Tags: blog

I’v only ever been in the cash office once and I asked my colleague “Do you not find it weird that you’re handling 1000s of pounds, probably the most money you’ll ever hold in your hand at one time in your entire life?” and he said no. He handed me a load of twenties and was like “Here, this wad is £1000, here’s another, that’s £2000….” and I’m holding all this money and he’s right, you just think of it as bits of paper. Then I realise how much I could do with it but I’d probably end up in jail. And then I get angry because I realise here we are, Retail Slaves, making money for the fat cats who give nothing back. It’s not like I’m expecting a pay rise or anything, I know no qualifications = low pay but we at least deserve a safer working environment. I’ve lost count of how many health and safety laws we’re breaking and no one will pay to fix them. We’re not even allowed the fucking heating on in winter because it “costs too much” and the temperature up stairs can reach over 100° in the summer because no one will pay to fix the air-con. But it could be worse…
I know someone who used to work for Jessops (a photographic retailer) and they even had asbestos in their stock room, but not enough to mean the council would repair it for free. Now, Jessops has had to liquidate a lot of it’s stores and stock already to stop it from going under but earlier this year they paid their chairman £500,000 in bonuses….and yet they won’t fork out to repair some fucking asbestos! I’m sure Mr. Chairman would love some in his office. Meanwhile the employees of at least one Jessops store have had to cover it over with tape and just hope they don’t get lung cancer. Nice! That was really worth a 6 figure bonus.

Tags: money, worst

I only had to be on the till for 5 minutes the other day to remember how much I dislike bank notes. From what I’ve read, most people hate it when customers decide to pay in change and stand there for ages counting out all their coins but I don’t mind it, even if there’s a long queue. It just annoys me when someone buys something for 99p and pays with a £20 note. I know sometimes you can’t help it but I’ve had customers pay for their shopping with a note, decide they want some sweets, then instead of paying with the change I just gave them they pull out another note. I don’t have an infinite amount of change! It’s only the people that do take the time to count out their shrapnel that stops me having to run to customer service for change every 10 minutes.
Yesterday I ran out of £5 and £10 notes and someone tried to pay with a £20. I didn’t even have enough change to give them! So I had to wait till the cashier next to me opened his till so we could swap some notes and luckily no one got irate.
Partly the reason change runs out so fast is because of the shortage of £5 notes; if there were more of them I wouldn’t have to keep giving people £9 in coins and they wouldn’t have to keep paying with £10 notes. No excuse for twenties though, no excuse.

Tags: money

I was watching QVC last night and it made me think of 2 things: 1) I think I’d still rather deal with real customers than have to present for an hour with Dawn Bibby, and 2) I found the most bizarre thing in a QVC store in Florida.
Dawn Bibby presents the craft hour. She tries to sell the most horrible stuff and she is a total bitch. She is so patronising and impatient with the other presenter I feel sorry for him having to put up with her. He can be a bit giddy but it is at 1am so you can’t blame him.
Anyway, this thing I found. I can’t believe something like this even exists:



WTF?!! It’s a movie….for your cat….on VHS! ZOMG! It’s funny and disturbing at the same time. The testimonial on the back says: “My cat Harley has practically become a Mewvie fanatic! He crouches in front of the screen and goes into his “primal hunting mode”. It’s hilarious to watch his intensity as he watches and chatters at the sparrows.” -Brooke.
Well, Brooke, I don’t know whether to tell you you should be sectioned for buying your cat a movie or that you’ve wasted your money because Planets Funniest Animals can have just the same effect.
Can you imagine having to sell that crap? It’s $18.52 as well, reduced! And who thought up the idea of making a movie for cats? “Hmm, all my cat does is sleep. It’s unhealthy, it needs some stimulation. Maybe it would like something to watch. After all, cats are people too y’know.”
And whichever buyer for QVC thought it was a good idea to buy that shit is really in the wrong job. Kinda like the buyers for the company I work for.
Somebody tell me this is a joke…

I think customers behaviour can be likened to road rage. Being in a shop has the same effect on some people as being in a car and can cause them to stop thinking rationally and forget that they’re actually talking to other human beings. Nothing else matters but themselves and their money and they will curse, shout and threaten until they get what they want. I’m going to call it consumer rage.
The worst thing is though, I could become a perpetrator of it myself if pushed. Usually if service is a bit slow and I can see the cashier is struggling, I’l say to them it’s fine, don’t worry about it, but I have got a bit angry sometimes when there’s absolutely no excuse for crappy service. I was in Matalan a few months ago and it took 15 minutes for me to get served with 2 tills open and only 3 people in front of me. There was absolutely no reason for it except that the woman on one till was so ancient she should have retired 30 years ago (ok, not her fault but she shouldn’t be working at all) and if the guy on the other till walked any slower he’d be going backwards. Currys is also really bad for crappy customer service. I’d get written up if I did some of the stuff that’s happened to me there.
But to be honest, if you can get away with it, why not. I don’t blame them for trying to do the least amount of work possible. The pay only covers getting out of bed, anything else you do is extra. Minimum wage = minimum effort.

Tags: rude, worst

To tie in with the entry about customers who don’t believe a word you say, I’ll tell you about this awful woman I had a few months ago. I don’t think it would have mattered what I said to her, she was angry and I just happened to be the first person she spoke to.
She’d come in looking for A4 wiro sketchbooks saying we hadn’t had any in for weeks. I explained to her that it was exam time and all the kids needed them so they were selling out probably within the day. I didn’t get a chance to say anything else to her because she lauched into this tirade about how I was fobbing her off with excuses, that I didn’t know anything and I was being dishonest. Even as she walked away she continued to shout abuse over her shoulder. There was no “Can I speak to your manager?” or “Can you have a look if there’s any in the back for me?”, she was just another hillbilly with knife skills who wanted any excuse to shout at someone to make her feel better. I was completely dumbstruck. I know the sketchbooks were getting restocked regularly because we have a delivery of them every week, but she’d obviously been unlucky and just come in at the wrong time….every time. I went to look for her later, only to tell her she’d never get a sketchbook from this store again, but she’d already gone. I’d never seen her before and I’v never seen her since, which is a little bittersweet because I was so disappointed in myself for not speaking up the first time that I looked out for her for a few weeks after just so I could make her grovel for a sketchbook. I’v never got my revenge >:o(

Tags: customer, rude, revenge

more cat pictures

Customerz in ur store, makin breakages and complaintz. I hatez dem!

Tags: funny

“How many megapixies does this camera have?”

From an ex-Jessops employee. I’m so glad I don’t work in tech.

Tags: funny

…to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. And you, stupid, conceited little customer better believe me or so help your sorry fucking ass!
Why is it that some customers just don’t believe a word you say? Like if they don’t like your answer, they go off to find someone that will tell them what they want to hear. One snobby old woman was so persistent I wish she’d pop her hip out or something. Alas, then she wouldn’t have been able to walk out the store.
Conversation goes something like so:

Woman: “Excuse me, do you have any place cards”? (i.e. seating cards for weddings etc.)
Me: “No, sorry, we don’t.”
Woman: “Is there anyone else who might know?”
Me: “No, I work on that department and I know we don’t have them.”
Woman: “Oh, I’l go and ask at customer services then. Maybe they’ll know.”
Me: “No, seriously! If you go and ask at customer services, they’re only going to call me on the tannoy and I’l have to walk all the way over there to tell you we don’t have them. We don’t sell place cards!”

And after all that, she still went over and asked at customer services and I had to walk all the way over there just to say “No!”. Then she left, albeit not in a wheelchair.

Tags: annoying, dumb, stupid

Like Alice once said: “What is the use of a book without pictures?”; so what is the use of a blog complaining about customers without a little evidence to back it up. Last night while I was working a late and there were no customers about, I took a video of a lovely mess of tangled ribbon that customers had left me, along with a few surprises*. Unfortunately, I can only use my phone camera so sincerest apologies for the quality but you get the idea.
So from now on, whenever possible, I’l try and get pictures (at least) to shame those pesky customers who think it’s okay to break, smash, dump and mess things up in my department!



*Confetti, paintbrush, acrylic paint, “English Countryside” stamp.
The white discs and clear plastic round things are what remains of the ribbon spools.

Tags: annoying, video

I’v noticed that the tidier the shelves are in the first place, the longer they stay tidy for. Sounds obvious but I only realised after I tidied an isle to perfection and when I came back at the end of the day there wasn’t much I needed to do, the customers had actually kept it in pretty good order. I think it’s because it’s more noticeable if they put something back out of place, whereas if an isle is already a bit messed up then they’ll put stuff back any old way because the item next to it is a bit skewif anyway. Then by the end of the day it’s just completely out of control. That’s my theory anyway.
What really annoys me is when people dump stuff in the wrong place right in front of me! I might work in a shop which automatically means people think I have an IQ of 2, but I’m not blind as well. Even when I’m trying to help them and they don’t like what I show them, they’ll just throw it down again in completely the wrong place.
But what I hate most of all is people opening packaging, especially if it involves ripping, tearing and damaging beyond repair. Today I found 2 of the same item with their boxes ripped apart. 2! As if they didn’t believe what was in the first box and it was some kind of lucky dip. Then if they decide they want to buy one, they don’t want the one they’ve just opened so take another one. Possibly the worst case I’v found though was a printer ink refill kit that had been opened and the ink had spilt onto other stock. It ended up all over my hands and wouldn’t come off so I looked like I had some weird skin disease for 2 days. And I know who did it- some wretched kid who I’d seen hanging about earlier. I wish I’d caught him. It’s great telling kids off without their parents around, they poo themselves.
By the sounds of it, our store is one of the worst in the chain for people messing things up and destroying stuff. Just the kind of people our town attracts are like the bottom of the barrel, the scum of the surrounding towns. Dolites with no teeth and 8 kids, eugh!

Tags: annoying

How had I not found this blog before?! Although the title is pretty self-explanitory, this blog is written from the point of view of the consumer, reporting examples of really bad customer service and the things that big companies don’t want you to know. It’s like the other side of the retail hell coin, which is great because I really want to hear about customer’s bad experiences, how they deal with it and whether it’s justified. Some stories are really bad and the customer is totally in the right. So I’m going to add it to the blog roll and follow it for a while. Go and check it out: The Consumerist.

Tags: blog

It’s not something I do on purpose, but it is funny when it does happen. Like last summer we had some of the patio furniture on display outside and on a really windy day one of the garden swings blew over and hit a woman. I might have had an ounce of compassion had she not made such a poor attempt at being injured. I might have actually believed her had the swing been made out of something more substantial and with a little bit more weight behind it than aluminium! It would also have helped her act if she knew where the pain was coming from. I know she got hit on the upper arm because I saw it, and yet she limped around clutching her wrist! Her husband came in demanding to see the manager, claiming he was going to have to take her to hospital. All that happened was we filled out an accident report and then they walked off absolutely fine. I don’t think we even gave them vouchers. They were after something though.
Another time was when I elbowed a woman in the shoulder as I turned round (I’d had my arm raised, she wasn’t just 4ft tall). She started wincing and sighing and rubbing her shoulder. I had apologized straight away but she didn’t even acknowledge me. Unless her fleece was lined with drawing pins or something, there was no way she had felt any pain, ’cause I’l be honest with you, getting hit by me is like having a fly bump into you. I weigh like 110lbs and she was built like a brick shit house, so all pretense of pain only made me want to retract my apology more or wish I’d turned round with a bit more urgency. I just walked off. If she’d wanted any help, she wasn’t getting it.
There’s also been more than one incident where small children have come along, decided that they like the look of the escalators and shoved their little fingers into that small hole around where the black hand rail disappears into the inner workings of the escalator. Some got lucky and escaped with just dirty fingers and blisters but I think one boy might have even broken his finger. I say might have because I wasn’t there to see but I was told it came out at a very odd angle. That’ll learn him! And his stupid parents!
I think there was another incident where a woman managed to cut herself on something. It bled quite a lot but she was totally fine about it, didn’t try to blame it on anything or anyone. We looked after her and everything. The one customer who actually had a right to cause a fuss was the only one who didn’t. It’s stuff like this that keeps me from losing faith in humanity completely.

Tags: funny, dumb

I try to avoid going anywhere near the tills or customer service if possible because I know I’m going to get cornered by someone. I had to do a price check for a customer last week so I had no choice but to use one of the tills and low and behold, some shifty looking guy who had been hanging around the tills pretending to look at sweets comes up to me.
Guy: “Um, excuse me. I want to come in and buy something but I don’t have any change for the car park. Do you think you could swap my pound for some change?”
Do I give a fuck about whether you want to buy something or not? I get paid the same no matter what you do and if the store closes down because we don’t make enough money, well good riddance! I’m serving another customer right now so I’m afraid you’ll have to go and get ripped off by the ticket machine!
This brings me back to the haggling issue: people who think they deserve something for free because they think they’re spending a lot of money. Spending less than £100 on a digital camera is cheap and nasty and definitely not worth giving you anything for free. And even if you do spend lots of money in our store and drive a flashy car, that doesn’t mean we’re going to pay for the damage you just did to your upholstery by lying a tin of paint on it’s side!
Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is: obviously the whole point of shops is to make money and provide you with the shit you want, but the only people that care about your money are the people at the top who are actually getting the profit. Do you think I’m going to make an exception for you just because you say you’re going to spend money? And why would we give you special treatment because you say you’re a loyal customer? Well, first of all, you need to come in more than twice a year to be a loyal customer. Secondly, your custom ain’t worth jack to me! The more of you that go elsewhere, the happier I’l be. Don’t like my attitude? Suck it!

Tags: money

This is a letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. I’m sure most people have probably seen it already. It’s PC Magazine’s 2007 editors’ choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your ‘Always’ maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse’? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call ‘an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.’ Isn’t the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo’. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying, jags, and out-of-control behaviour. You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants… Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: ‘Have a Happy Period.’

Are you fu*ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything ‘happy’ about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreen’s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like ‘Put down the Hammer’ or ‘Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong’, or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull sh*t. And that’s a promise I will keep. Always.

Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

So the general consensus is that’s it’s a pretty funny letter, but I’m only laughing at her. I have never had such problems while surfing the crimson waves, but if that’s how bad it can get then eureka!, maybe I should just offer every bad-tempered woman who comes in the shop some Ibuprofen, preferably 9 or more. Not only does she make herself look a fool, but she tries to drag the rest of the female of the species down with her. I especially like the last paragraph: “Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits“. I would pay $8 to get rid of this customer, and I’m sure Mr Thatcher cares just as much about her friggin’ $8. She sounds like a woman on the edge, and if she transforms into an inbred hillbilly with knife skills every month then she certainly has my sympathy. I just wish she’d chosen a more diplomatic way to go about expressing her views on having a happy period, even if it was just for her own sake.
The customer is not always right, Wendi. Period!

Tags: funny

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done to a customer? Did you get fired? Was it worth it?

I’v not really done anything really rude or bad. The worst I did was when I worked in a small shop that sold replica antiques (whats the point, I know) and other olde worlde things, so 99% of our customers were old to very old women. A very old women came in with her daughter and asked about some unicorn statue, for her granddaughter, and then started complaining about a chip in it’s horn. I checked with the highest ranking member of staff in on that day who confirmed it was supposed to be a have a chip (us being a shop that sold olde worlde things that were supposed to look rustic an’ all, plus there wasn’t even a fucking chip, she was just imagining it) but when I told the woman she said “I don’t think so!”. I’d only been working in retail for about a month or so and I’d already run out of patience so I said “Well, it’s the only one we have in stock. Do you want to buy it or not?” and when she said no, I just said “Fine!” and walked off. It doesn’t sound too bad, but she was in a wheelchair so I left her sitting in the middle of the shop until her daughter came and wheeled her away. They didn’t make a complaint or anything and it still makes me smile when I remember how I left that stupid, ol’ senile bitch sitting helpless with no one to moan at for once in her life. I’m supposed to like old people, and I generally do, but some seem to just cling onto life for no reason other than to make yours a living hell. Oh wait, that’s just retail. *facepalm*

Tags: worst

A man walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer.
After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, “Because I don’t believe you are over 21.”
The robber said he was, but the shop assistant still refused to give it to him because he didn’t believe him.
At this point, the robber took his driver’s license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The assistant looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

Source: http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=504196

Tags: dumb, robber

To those who live in the US and have visited the UK: Do you find that customer service in the UK is pretty crappy compared to in the US? I always notice when I go to America how nice and smiley people who work in shops are, and reading “Not Always Right” pretty much affirms that. I think it’s great, I love it, but I don’t know how you can do it when faced with some of customers I’v heard about.
We’re not expected to say ma’am or sir and my friendly facade only lasts so long. Once an american woman told my friend his customer service sucked, but to be honest, so did her attitude so I don’t think it was anything to do with his customer service.
So, do you just take it as being “typically british” or does it really annoy you?

Just a few notes on a few of the things in my blogroll. Since I started this blog (and realised there were so many more people than I thought who liked to bitch about retail), the sites on my blogroll have been a really big help. When life gets me down, I always remind myself that someone somewhere has got it worse than me, and it’s no different for retail. In fact, I’v probably got the good end of the shitty stick when it comes to what I have to deal with. So, however you’ve found this blog, just take the time to check out these sites. Go on, it’s okay to indulge yourself in this type of retail therapy.

Facebook group: “Fuck the customers…” - I will not blame you what-so-ever if you avoid facebook at all costs but this is a pretty good place if you want to read hundreds, and contribute, stories of the rude, the weird and the most utterly stupid. There is always something to read on there.

Retail Hell Underground - Probably the biggest accumulation of everything retail hell on the interweb, from readers stories to mutilated shopping bags and even a definition of what kind of retail slave you are, there is a lot of funny stuff on there. Love it!

Not Always Right - If you’ve ever visited Overheard In New York, it’s kinda like that: just pure, unadulterated conversations between customers and customer service/retail/telesales staff.

Tags: blog

Today I rang in sick. I hate ringing in sick. I feel guilty for letting people down even though everyone else does it and leaves us short staffed every week. I had a good reason, I wasn’t just pulling a sicky, but truth is I could probably go in for part of the day because I’m not feeling so bad now. I don’t see much point in doing that though. I’v worked out that my total pay for today, minus the emergency (22%) tax I’m paying but shouldn’t be, is a grand total of £24. 24 freakin’ pounds! Is a day in work at the weekend with extra shitty customers really worth that? Well, for a retail slave, probably.
As for the ridiculous amount of tax I’m paying - I have tried, and I’m still trying, to get that sorted out. It’s like trying to get blood from a stone.

Somewhere, sometime in Scotland a would-be larcenist tried to rob a news-agent. He asked for a packet of cigarettes and handed over a £20 note so the cashier would open the till. As soon as they did he reached over and grabbed as much money from the till as he could and bolted out the door, leaving his £20 note on the counter. Total of money stolen = £12*, profit to news-agent = £8*. Hmmmm…. He didn’t even get his cigarettes either. I don’t know whether to laugh or feel sorry for the guy.

*- I’m writing this from memory so these details might be a little off but you get the idea.

Source: BBC Radio 2 - “Punt and Dennis: It’s been a bad week.”

Tags: dumb, robber

I’m in the middle of serving a customer on the till when another woman interrupts.

Woman: “I’d like to return these. Where should I go?”
Me: “Customer service.”
Woman: “You mean where that gentleman is with the peculiar hair?”
Me (laughing): “Yes.” (It’s true, he does have weird hair.)
Woman walks over to customer service.
1st customer: “I love this town. The people aren’t judgmental what-so-ever.”
The first customer didn’t even find it funny, unlike me. In fact she seemed pretty angry, angry at the state of society today! How dare people comment on someone’s hair!

That’s one of the few times I’v had a customer refer to another customer. Usually they just seem to ignore each other, like cars on the road, when they do interact it can be pretty catastrophic.

Another thing. I was on the till a few days ago when a woman wanted to return something and I told her she’d have to go to customer service. She started going on about why wasn’t she told and where was the sign (it says on a sign outside that if you’re returning goods then please go to customer service). I rolled my eyes and grimaced behind her back and I think every customer in the queue must have seen because they were all surprisingly nice to me after that. Weird…

Tags: customer

A dozen times a day I get an item that isn’t recognised on the till. I can try looking it up on the till but I usually try asking if the customer knows what the description was with the price which would make it a lot easier to find. But nearly all the customers have no idea, like they have a one-track mind, they just see numbers. I asked a woman today if she knew the description for an item she’d brought and all she said was “They’re over there. £2.99. They’re all £2.99.” Did I ask you the fucking price? I need the description to find the price! Then she went over to grab another of the same item, like that barcode was more likely to scan. Yeah, dead helpful.
There’s also the customers who bring items with no barcodes on. Sometimes they say “Oh, trust me to pick the dodgy one up”, but a lot of customers just stand there glaring impatiently. That’s when I feel like saying “How the hell did you expect me to scan it?”.
And then the last category of customers come out with “If it doesn’t scan it means it’s free” and think they’re really funny. Who hasn’t heard that one? *sigh*.

Tags: annoying

Dear Customers,

Please refrain from shopping. Decide not to assault the high street with your presence. Any necessary purchases can be made online, from the comfort of your living room, bedroom, or even garden.
However, if you find leaving the house unavoidable, please remember your manners, and please forget your kids. Expect to pay for parking or, if travelling by bus, expect to share a seat with a nearly dead.
The best time to shop is on weekdays, between 1pm-3pm.
Weekends invariably mean long queues, slow service and higher stress levels.
Most people are of the assumption that they don’t know everything, no matter what line of work they’re in. This is also true of sales assistants. Although most sales assistants have a good knowledge of their present stock and can advise on the location, price and use of most items, they will undoubtly not be able to explain the reason why the item you have just come out especially to buy has just sold out.
This is not the first or last time you will be disappointed in life and no one is to blame, especially the sales assistant. This is why you were asked to remember your manners.
To err is human, but to completely screw things up takes a computer. It is not the assistants fault if the till won’t accept your card, or if it freezes halfway through a transaction. Losing your patience will solve nothing and you may find that service slows down even more. This is probably down to the assistant and is not entirely unintentional, so it is in your best interests to remain calm, kind and collected.
If you can’t bear to leave your children at home, always keep them under control, whether outside, browsing or waiting to pay. No one should have to listen to their whining or have to watch you be a bad parent. Do not let them handle stock that you have no intention of buying and don’t give them anything they might be tempted to throw anywhere.
Food and drink is a no no. Shelves do not make handy rubbish holders so hang on to your litter until you reach the nearest bin.
Never underestimate the sales assistant. Not all of them are high school drop-outs, but if they were that stupid and you were that clever, you wouldn’t need to ask for help when you can’t see for looking. Always be polite or you may not find what you’re looking for.

Yours faithfully,
Anonymous Sales Assistant

Why is it standard procedure in some stores for the cashier to do your packing for you? As if they don’t have enough do to, they have to pack your stuff while you stand there twiddling your thumbs. If I can help it, I don’t let the cashier bag stuff for me when I go in other stores, or better yet I try to avoid using plastic bags altogether. But I’l go into that another time.
I have learnt not to ask customers if they would like a bag because I always end up packing for them and it really irks me. Then some of them have the cheek to moan about how slow the queue moves.
The worst customer I ever had on the tills was a middle-aged woman who refused to do anything else with her arms other than fold them. I was in the middle of scanning her items when she said “I’d like a bag, please!”. I just said ok and carried on, thinking I’d do it at the end once everything else was taken care of but as I totaled her items she asked again. I had to stop everything and pack her bags while she stood by, arms folded, face sour. One item was a football though, which I’d actually had to keep hold of while I scanned her other stuff because it would have rolled away otherwise and she couldn’t possibly have held onto it herself, so I had to grab a bag and open it one-handed. Then once I’d finished packing she said “I can’t carry it like that!” so I had to repack it! It all fit perfectly into one bag but it’s like she wanted everything in a separate bag.
I don’t know what her problem was. She was with her son but didn’t look like a stressed out mum and if it was PMS, she should really consider a hysterectomy. I mean, she was that bad, in a weird, non-abusive but doing voodoo on you with her mind, kinda way! It was unhealthy.

Tags: worst, customer

People don’t understand the internet.
I used to work at a video games store and a few people asked about the Nintendo DS web browser. I had to explain to nearly every single one that you can’t just plug it in and expect to have complete, uninhibited web browsing. First of all I told them they needed wireless internet but they didn’t even know what that meant. I don’t know why I was working in a video games store because I didn’t even own a console, let alone any games, but at least I knew how the games worked. Yet another case of customers not doing their research and needless to say I didn’t sell one DS web browser.

Tags: dumb, stupid

There’s an old woman that comes into the store on one of those electric scooter things which is absolutely enormous. She moans that she can’t get down the aisles because of the dump bins etc. so we have to move everything out the way or fetch stuff for her. That would be fair enough….but she’s not actually disabled, just lazy and bad tempered.
Our cleaner for the store had sealed off a couple of aisles while he cleaned the floor. He’d put hazard tape at each end of the aisle and every customer acknowledged that it was a little inconvenient but necessary, except the old woman. She ripped down the hazard tape and drove down the aisle on the newly cleaned floor and when the cleaner confronted her she said “I should be able to go where I want, when I want”. The cleaner replied that it had been sealed off for her own safety, but she couldn’t care less.
And how do we know she’s not disabled? She left her granny scooter on the ground floor while she went upstairs to use the toilets. I think she might be a sandwich short of a picnic, and possibly a shoplifter but I can’t prove it. I can only make the store harder to navigate by placing extra dump bins in her way.

Tags: customer, regular

This is a TV program on the BBC where one man takes it upon himself to sort out your “bureaucratic nightmare”. Although he’s doing a great service by standing up for the little guy against big corporate companies, he’s also turned some big faux pas’ into acceptable shopping etiquette. Haggling for instance. People seem to think it’s ok to haggle in high street stores. Haggling should be reserved for car boot sales and market stalls only, or pricey independent stores if you’re really desperate. But with retail chains, the price is set at head office, and especially with electrical goods the profit margin is at it’s absolute minimum as it is.
There’s a whole page in the Daily Mirror dedicated to learning how to haggle, with a Dominic’s Haggling Tactics section (and the creepiest picture of him I’v ever seen).

“DOMINIC’S HAGGLING TACTICS

Dominic Littlewood is a consumer expert and star of BBC1’s Don’t Get Done, Get Dom

(1) Go to the shop or showroom when it’s quiet - never haggle when there’s a queue.

(2) Find out the recommended retail price (RRP) of the item. Otherwise, the sales assistant will bump up the price when you start haggling then knock it down - you’ll think you’ve got a bargain when all you’ve paid is the RRP.

(3) Don’t be confrontational or rude - be jovial and build rapport.

(4) Then say: “I like this TV but I don’t like the price.” If they can’t give you a discount ask who can. Ask them to get this person for you. Use this person’s name when you chat to build rapport.

(5) Open the haggling with a low price. Never say: “What’s your best price?” because you will stop the process in its tracks.

(6) After opening with your first offer it’s important to stay silent. Wait for them to speak next. If the reply is: “We don’t do discount,” keep chatting. You might have to ask up to three times before you get some money off.

(7) Read their signals and meet them halfway. If they really can’t give you a discount then try to get something thrown in (for example, a free juicer to go with your washing machine). If they say no then shop somewhere else, but keep practising your haggling!”

Ok, first of all - People working in shops do not like it when you use their name all the way through a sale. You don’t know that person and as soon as you use their name, they know you’re trying to get something for nothing. It’s ok to say “Thanks ______” at the end, but to use their name from the start in an effort to be friendly probably isn’t going to work in your favor. We know you’re only pretending and that hurts our feelings. No, it really pisses us off.
2) The best price is the price on the shelf.
3) We really can’t give you something for free. There’s no right way to go about it. If we just pick something off the shelf and give it to you, it’ll mess up our stock figures. And if we put it through the till as £0.00, then head office is going to see that and think “what the hell are they playing at?”. Don’t ask.
4) Why are you shopping on the high street if you want a good deal?! Ever heard of the internet?

Haggling will work in some shops, but not in most. Obviously, if you don’t ask you don’t get, but usually it’s a case of asking and not getting. And if at first you don’t succeed….Give up!
(Psst, it only works for him because he’s on TV.)

You can find the full article here: How to haggle like a pro.

I used to work at a place that sold jewelry and a woman asked to try on a ring. I gave her the size she asked for but then she couldn’t get it off so she started licking her finger and the ring. She finally got it off and then handed it back to me straight away. I must have hidden my disgust pretty well but she didn’t seem that bothered, as if it’s normal to lick stock and then give it back to you still slimy.

Tags: gross, customer

An old man was buying a Bounty priced at 42p. He gave me 58p so I tried to give him the 8p back but he said he was trying to get rid of his coppers. It didn’t really make sense because he was still going to get coppers in his change. So I put it through, gave him his change and receipt, which he checked before leaving, and then he started complaining that the price on the shelf had said it was actually 38p. I said he could have his 4p back but he’d have to go to customer services for the refund.
He then put the Bounty back on the counter and said “Fine! I just won’t have it then.” and held his hand out for his refund. Over 4 fucking pence! I just said “We’d be happy to give you a refund but you’ll have to go to customer services”. He just stood there and shrugged so I carried on by saying “I can’t just give you your money back, I can’t do refunds on this till. You’ll have to go to customer services.”. So he went over to CS and demanded to see the manger, complained then left without his friggin’ Bounty.
That was an old guy with too much time on his hands and a vendetta against wrongly priced goods. It could have been easily solved if he’d paid attention throughout the sale, like when I said “That’s 42p please”.

I know unpriced and wrongly priced items are annoying but to make such a fuss over 4p was a bit pathetic. And it’s not the first time it’s happened either. I know of a woman who rang Trading Standards to complain about a discrepancy between the price on the digital kiosks and the price that comes up on the till in a Jessops store (a photographic retailer). A difference of 4p. She even ended up in tears in the shop. :/
I think it’s taking the saying “Watch the pennies and the pounds take care of themselves” a bit too far.

Tags: worst, customer, dumb, stupid

I think, by the sounds of things, that no matter who you work for in retail, all customers are the same. Dumb!
And we are all customers. There’s just something about walking into a shop that makes us all go wacko.
Maybe it’s the door heaters. Have them on too high and it blows your IQ to the floor. Maybe the air-con chills your soul. Maybe it’s the uniform. Uniforms turn people into anonymous robots that you have no problem yelling at.
But whatever it is happens without you even knowing. You can go from rational thinker to commercial abuser the second you walk through that door. Hell, you might even forget how to read.
For instance: “Please present your car parking ticket at the start of transaction” actually means you have to hand over your parking ticket before the cashier starts scanning your items. BEFORE. Being handed your receipt is a sign your transaction has ended. That would be AFTER transaction. No tickets!
Customers also get lazy. Assistants are there to assist. “General assistant” does not mean “Personal slave”, and if there’s one thing above all you could do to compensate for any previous indolence, it would be to pack your own bags. It would save everyone time and and make you less useless. Or if you really want to shine, always carry a reusable shopping bag so you can do your own packing and save the planet at the same time. Consider it your good deed for the day.
Another way to save time is to always have your money or plastic ready. Women especially like to wait until everythings scanned before digging around in their handbag for their purse, and then like to hold up the line even more while they put their change or card back into their purse of infinite compartments and return it to the fathoms of their bag. Just take your shit and go.
It has also occurred to me that it may not be the store environment that temporarily changes your personality, but rather that shops are just where the stupid congregate (and that means staff as well as customers). Now, I don’t know what a name badge and store uniform means to other people but “Do you work here?” is not the first thing I think of. I usually take it for granted that most people wouldn’t wear a store uniform out of choice, but that doesn’t seem so obvious to some customers.
As for the staff, not all of them dropped out of college so don’t tar them all with the same brush, but they can’t be expected to know everything about every single product. Someone who works in a pet store will not have owned every single pet or used every single product. You have to do your own research. If you’re not sure what to buy - don’t buy it, and don’t get pissy!
However, with some staff, they really are working in a shop because they’re thick as pig shit. Others are just plain disturbed. If you think it’s bad talking to them for 2 seconds, try working with them.
Whatever you do once you walk in a shop though, remember not to get abusive. You will only be embarrassing yourself. The cashier or assistant is not trying to make things difficult for you. They can’t change the rules for you just because you’re in a hurry or if you’re in a bad mood because you put orange juice on your cornflakes this morning, and if you say the word “fuck”, forget any cooperation whatsoever. You wouldn’t tolerate it so why should they?
But just think about it, what is so stressful about shopping? If you have to go out in a hurry to get something for your kids project and can’t find it, then you only have you or your kid to blame, and if something doesn’t work once you get it home that’s not the cashiers fault and its usually easily solved by exchanging it for a bright, shiny, working new one. Sorted!
And finally, from my experience, it seems quite a few customers have problems leaving the shop as well. Asking me “How do I get out?” might help, but you could always try the way you came in. That usually works for me.

What I need to know in life, I’v learnt in retail. It sucks but it sets you up for life.
I’v created this blog because I love moaning about customers, and I know I’m not the only one.
I’l be sharing some of the unbelievable stories I’v read from others working in retail and some of my personal experiences.
Join in!